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Ashley’s Story: For the Boy Who is Worth it All

April 30th, 2022  | HIElights of Hope

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Name: Ashley Fancher

Location: Texas, United States

Child's Birth Year: 2020

Keywords: New to HIE

When Ashley had her older son, Bleu, three years ago, she had that magical birth story that expecting mothers dream of. She was able to hold Bleu to her chest, feeling the warmth and love concomitant to motherhood, and her partner was able to cut the umbilical cord. But the birth of her second child, Pecos, in October of 2020, could not have been more different.

Up until Pecos’ birth, Ashley worked as a bus monitor for her local school district. Her second pregnancy was as smooth as the first time around, and she was all set to be induced near her due date. Two hours after she was induced, a nurse asked if she could place an internal fetal monitor on Pecos’ scalp. Ashley didn’t think anything of it since she had to have the monitoring during Bleu’s delivery as well. As the nurse went to insert the monitor, she hopped back in surprise, and beckoned the head nurse over. Upon looking at Ashley’s cervix, the head nurse gasped and began screaming, “Cord, cord, cord!” The alarm went off, and all of a sudden, seven nurses flooded into the room. They checked for a heartbeat but had no luck. Ashley will never forget those moments of sheer terror and chaos, with panicked voices saying “I can’t find him” or “There’s no heartbeat” or “He isn’t moving at all.”

Ashley was rushed to the operating room for an emergency C-section, where she was given general anesthesia. When Ashley woke up after the surgery, she was in a state of utter shock and confusion. She was only given a vague response after she asked if Pecos was breathing: “They’re working on him, they’re working on him.” All Ashley could do was just sit there and pray—pray that Pecos would be alright, that Bleu would get to meet his baby brother, and that this was all just an initial scare.

After about five minutes of haunting anticipation, a nurse finally came into Ashley’s room and told her that Pecos had started breathing again. Before Ashley even had time to let out a sigh of relief, paperwork was shoved in front of her face. She still had no idea what was going on or what had happened in the first place. And now, to add to the confusion, the nurse told her that her baby needed to be transferred to a larger hospital, throwing around foreign concepts, such as “cooling.” At this point, Ashley couldn’t process anything, because all she could think about was when she would be able to hold, or even see, her baby.

When Ashley had the opportunity to briefly glimpse Pecos as they rolled him by for transport, all she saw was the CPAP machine, wires everywhere, and incessant beeping. She had no clue what any of this meant, and she begged for hours to be discharged so she could be with her son.

When Ashley finally arrived at the NICU at the larger hospital, Pecos had already started cooling, so she wasn’t able to really touch him. She went aghast as she saw Pecos’ little body shaking relentlessly in the cooling blanket. In that moment, she had to fight all the maternal instincts telling her to just grab him, warm up his frozen body, and bolt.

During the warming process, Ashley anxiously sat by Pecos, waiting for the moment she could finally hold him. The second she received the go-ahead, she embraced Pecos in her arms. In that instant, she didn’t see all the EEG leads connected to his scalp or the tubes transferring oxygen to him—all she saw was her unbelievably chubby, resilient baby boy, whom she would love forever.

Pecos, luckily, responded well to the cooling treatment, and by day five, he was off oxygen support and able to fully breathe on his own. The day of discharge was one of the most difficult days for Ashley. Prior to that, she hadn’t been given any information about what to expect for the future, so she assumed that, once they left the hospital, Pecos would be completely fine. However, as Ashley was getting ready to take Pecos home, she was overwhelmed with information about the specialists he needed to follow-up with—from a cardiologist to a neurologist to developmental specialists. It wasn’t until two days post-discharge, when she met with an early childhood intervention provider that she first even heard the term HIE. The developmental specialist explained to her that, with HIE, Pecos’ outcomes were unclear and it would really be a matter of “wait and see.”

After the initial information gap, Ashley began researching HIE on Google, eventually landing upon the Hope for HIE Facebook page. It was comforting for her to know that she wasn’t alone, especially when it came to the nightmares associated with her trauma. There were many nights in the aftermath of Pecos’ birth that Ashley woke up in a panicked frenzy, still hearing the sound of the alarm going off and the nurses screaming about the prolapsed cord. Seeing other parents openly talking about their experiences with recurring nightmares inspired Ashley to acknowledge and work through her trauma instead of burying it deep inside.

Now, Pecos is eight months old, and the progress he has made is nothing short of incredible. Ashley is constantly amazed at how something so tiny can go through so much and still be so wonderful. Pecos is truly lovable and cuddly, and Ashley’s favorite part about holding Pecos is the way his little hands sink into hers. For Ashley, the image of hope throughout this journey has been seeing Pecos’ contagious smile and laugh, as well as witnessing his endearing interactions with his big brother, Bleu. Pecos absolutely adores Bleu and thinks he is the funniest person in the world, laughing at every sound or movement Bleu makes.

Ashley’s main goal is to give Pecos his best life possible. This journey has taught her that she is more capable and resilient, as both a mother and a person, than she could have ever previously imagined. When Ashley is struggling with her trauma or when all the appointments seem like too much, she thinks of her beautiful baby boy and how he is worth it all—every tear, every sleepless night, everything. She would tell other HIE parents to hang in there and love their babies like nobody else, because what else can you do?

Every journey looks different, but for Ashley, what has helped her cope has been viewing the little things as big things. She celebrates every inchstone Pecos meets, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. When Pecos accomplishes tasks she would not have thought twice about with Bleu, she is now cathartically screaming out in joy.

Despite the challenges, Ashley is proud that, even though she and the father of her two boys don’t always live together, they still always work together to give their children the best life possible. Ashley and her partner remain supportive of one another by recognizing that each of their NICU experiences was different, with neither more awful than the other. Ashley acknowledges that, while she was the one who endured the physical labor and delivery, her partner faced unique and very valid challenges. While Ashley felt in the dark in the days following the birth, her partner only received a quarter of the information she did. With Bleu, he had been present to witness the birth and cut the umbilical cord. But he missed Pecos’ entire birth, leaving him feeling entirely left out. The pandemic further complicated the situation, since only one parent could be with Pecos in the NICU at a time.

Ashley would encourage HIE parents to validate the pain and lived experiences of their partners, showing grace to one another during such turbulent times. Ashley knows that whatever roadblocks they encounter down the line, they will get through them, as long as they stick together as a family. Sticking together may not always mean being in a relationship in the traditional sense. What matters most is putting on a united parenting front and acting in the best interest of the children.

It’s been difficult sharing her story with others because none of her friends, family, or community members have ever had a baby in the NICU. People always tell her, “I’m glad Pecos is doing better.” While he is doing better, sometimes it just hits Ashley that she doesn’t really know…it all goes back to the “wait and see.” Being an HIE parent is a uniquely terrifying experience, so it has been invaluable to have a global network of Hope for HIE parents who understand why she still has anxieties and fears.